Burn out. Hitting the wall. Exhaustion. Enthusiasm depletion. Burning fumes. It was bound to happen, right? The homeschooling of Theo– epically fun and exhilarating but mountains of work. The raising of baby Tess, ditto: fun/exhilarating/mountains/work. The working with the husband on a new business – ditto/ditto/ditto. Lack of non-child/work related social life= no chance to laugh at ones situation, take comfort in others crazy lives and therefore replenish.
And so I make the decision to go back to Paris – for two reasons. Firstly – you stop developing, you die (a little exaggeration but correct sentiment). Secondly – I am tired and I need some sleep and some inspiration.
In case I hadn’t mentioned (I hadn’t because my blogging has taken a back seat to things like being up all night with a grouchy baby with heat-rash or pitching new jobs with Mr T. I don’t want to apologise for this because even though I would love my lack-of-chatter to leave a hole in peoples life, this is not the case. My husband would probably claim his life would improve with less of my chatter, but that’s another story) we have been in London for a fair while doing what Anthony calls ‘real work’. Work that pays money. Plus a few other fun projects I’ve thrown in like our networking club (The Bunker Club). I obviously love the work that pays money –especially when its things like our workshops that we spent last year grafting to get up and running and are now making us some nice money. It’s a wonderful confirmation when ones ideas pay. But it’s for this reason why I am urging us back to Paris. It’s really easy to get stuck just milking the cash that is coming now and putting off the developing of future projects. It’s a hard balance to strike – any freelancer or small business owner can attest that just focusing on what brings money in now and not working on what will pay later is a trap that’s easy to fall into and can seriously stunt the potential of your business.
We have now got half a Paris book and a whole new London book. I fear if we don’t keep on top of Paris it will drift into incompleteness. There is always so much we could be doing here in London and to make the decision to stop and go away is like tearing yourself away from a good book. It feels wrong. Anthony keeps saying to me – but things are so good here right now! Why leave? Because I say, carefully pulling all of my persuading forces together, if we don’t continue to develop projects we’ll never grow the business. We will never have anything new to launch and it will stay small.
And in regards to the second part of my reasoning- we could just go on holiday and replenish but we are scared of the rain that seems to be affecting much of Europe. The second best thing for me is to do something that makes me almost organismic in excitement – and for me that’s working with Anthony on his photos. He has finally developed the set from our last trip to Paris (Mr old school still uses film, I love that) and it blew me away. I couldn’t believe how beautiful and interesting and unique and stunning and and and… his images were and I can’t wait to get back so he can take more. I can handle lots of work if there is some awesome pay off like that. With the baby it’s her I-cannot-believe-how-much-I-love-you expression she has on when she looks at me or the thrill on her face when she stands up by herself. With Theo it’s the ferocious appetite he has for learning that is now unfettered by tests or worksheets. Spending two hours with Theo yesterday discussing Julius Cesar, Roman gods, the history of Rome, omens and superstitions and Shakespeare was so fascinating I can’t believe that school can end up making this stuff so dry.
So we are going to just focus on this, the creative good stuff, when we are in Paris. No admin, no website building, no cashflows, no planning meetings – just pure complete indulging in the city to see where and what it brings us. Replenishing the body so that I can continue to appreciate these awesome experiences I’m having is definitely a job for Paris.